Healing is the good that happens slowly over time. Helen Keller accurately described this when she said, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” Overcoming, strengthening and re-centering are the gifts in any crisis we face. It is the stuff of life that literally makes us what we are. Returning to our lives after a frightening diagnosis or a terrifying accident with the courage to heal is perhaps the single greatest force of love in life.
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you’re good
And you can’t believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
(Healing begins, Tenth Avenue North)
For me, I thought I had to keep “it all up”, everything I did was to win the love of others so I was “good enough”! But It wasn’t enough and one day the walls all come falling down and my life was front and center for everyone to see! October 29, 2007 was the night my life changed for ever, that night there was a knock on my door and it was the cops. That night I was arrested, handcuffed and taken to jail for 1st degree theft. The next day my name was on the front page of all the local newspapers and on all local TV and radio stations.
My life as I knew it was never going to be the same, My wife knew knowing about all the bad things I was doing behind her back and it didn’t take her long to file for divorce. I only spent one night in jail, but would be going to court and facing a 10 year prison term. That night while in my cell I looked at a drain in the floor and all I could think of is my life is going to hell! I asked God that night to save me, looking back I didn’t know I was doing it but I knew I had 2 ways to go; one was down the drain or the other was to look up to God and pray that he would watch over me. When I got home I knew I would have to find a church but I was so ashamed of what I did, what church would let a theft into there building! I would watch different pastors preach on TV and pray when I went to bed at night, I knew God but what I didn’t know was how Jesus love us!
So, why did I do what I did? I was motivated by some of the most profound and darkest elements in our being – greed, and I thought I could stop and only a few items wouldn’t hurt. Then my wife and step family started to have big problems. I got mad, no one understood how I was feeling. The more problems we had, the more I took, I know inside I was asking for help! But it never came. I blamed others for my problems and didn’t have the power to break the addicted, desisting sin I was doing. It was as if I wasn’t me, someone else was controlling me and I would end up paying the price for what happened.
Looking back now, I have come along way but still have a way to go. It has taken me a long time to turn my life around and their has and are some great people who have been lifted me up when I needed it the most. Once you let Jesus come into your life and you feel God’s love and experience some of the life changing events God does in your life, you too will become a true Christian. It’s no longer about me, where I live or who loves or does not love me. I give all the glory to God and will worship and praise him everyday!
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” Matthew 14:25-33 (NIV)
You might be in the same boat as I was, just remember when you start to doubt and sink, reach out to Him (Jesus) and He will save you and change you life for ever. He did for me and the love I now feel is like no other love!
Redeemed 